Professional Profile 2nd draft
Please click on the link above
Here is my second draft of my professional profile. I agreed with the comments that I received that it was too long and I have managed to condense it down by 12 lines and it is now all on one page! I have re-phrased some of the areas that were suggested to me and also some areas that I felt were not necessary.
I would very much appreciate any further comments. Do you think it is still too long?
Many thanks x
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI think you may have the document on the wrong privacy setting as I am not allowed to access it!
Sarah, I also tried to view it but I'm having the same problem. I will try again soon.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I think I've finally managed to sort it out! Thank you guys
ReplyDeleteYou did it! Well done for persevering!!
ReplyDeleteThis version is much better. It's tighter and easier to read, and I think the length is fine now.
Thank you for persevering with me Liam. I actually feel proud that I 'finally' managed to do something that a few weeks ago I would never have thought I could do. I was also determined not to ask for any help, other than from my fellow BAPP bloggers.
ReplyDeleteI'm also pleased that you think the 2nd draft is looking better. Thank you for your comments.
Sarah I'm just commenting to let you know that I've had a read of your second draft and I think it's a lot better now its been whittled down a bit. It keeps the reader more on track and is a much easier read. I hope that's a help!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree. So much easier to read this draft as it didn't get lost. The only section you might want to tighten is where you mention wanting to do some more training in acting but otherwise ten times better, much more engaging and I love your determination.
ReplyDelete